Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in meequalcriminal's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
5:20 pm	my problem The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for each one of those categories has somewhat lingered about of my life ive realized this for a long time, just dont know where to begin again its one thing to know whats wrong, a whole other to deal with it (Comment on this)
Friday, May 1st, 2009
9:48 am	fuck my life ive felt like shit everyday now for 2 weeks circumstances self induced and not delt with...lingering unsettlenesss. (im sorry) i dont know how to talk to you? i havent put what happened out of mind at all , actually it has been the number one thing on my mind almost everyday.. i dont know how to fix what the last couple of years have done to our friendships..maybe thats why i feel so cowadly towards talking it out. im sorry i love you, and i am a coward.... circumstances that are totally out of my control, are bothersome as well i dont know how i am supposed to care about someone and let them slowly destrct themselves, while trying to keep a positive face, because what they are doing isnt "socially" decalred destructive, and in the begining i was 100 percent supporative, now my eyes have been opened to a lot more, and honestly it scares the shit out of me. but at the same time i want to think you will be ok...... circumstances that i cant even put a lable on... i guess from an outsiders point of view the words i would use to describe how i feel would be called depression . but depression is a part of life and not a disease, as i can always say so easily say when others talk of depression. its just an overwhelming amount of complex negative energies i gotta do some sorting maybe grouch will ease my mind tomorrow night i always love seeing his smilein bald head i havent even accomplished anything in this time span..besides finally doing my laundry, and taking a shower last night (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 8th, 2009
2:09 pm	Trying to build a fence around these magic beans my dreams are gathered i need to get going on all my ideas dreams an goals i feel like ive had so many ideas marinating lately i cant wait to learn to draw so my designs can become what they are in my mind highly considering internet college vs clark i could do fahion merchandising online or basic buisness at clark or pay 80 grand and go to an art institute(pfft) the key goal idea is a bright bubbly happing affordable clothing botique downtown with vintage/modern/acessories..... not quite figured out exactly my target customer will be (not a buffalo of teeny bopper feel for sure) more classy colorful then i can eventually use my own store to incorporate my own designs and use that as a starting point for a design career in the way future when im older i cant wait to learn buisness... i want to learn it all so i can do it all my own way and make money and be successful my own way and live in my own cute tacky house... and have my own cute little store that i can work at and be my own boss and be happy about going to my job everyday plus having your own buissness can be so exciting in the way of having your won space you can use however you want i mean you can have shows... art galleries... anything on top of a day clothing store you can contribute to your communtities through small buisness and keep the ANTI big buissness american values ALIVE!! i have so many ideas for marketing, product placements, and just little things from the organazation of everything .... and the whole other plain of accounting its all interesting to me thats why i thingk this whole things gonna work out i just need to go to school so i can start my fucking rollercoaster of small buisness im going to get myself into : ) Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Zodiaccupuncture (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 15th, 2009
1:53 pm	lingering thoughts the whole argument or disscussion thing if you wanna call it that has been on my mind ever since it happened.... its starting to make me realize how important underground hip hop is to me now its the most amazing feeling in the world to find inspiring, uplifting, emotion provoking influences in life its good that i can find connections in hip hop with everything! i can relate thats the draw probably i mean the connections in hip hop with almost every other genre is prelevant with soooo much hip hop everything from hardcore,political, metal, country, classical, ambeiant sounds, pop, techno, i mean everything you can think of..(not even getting into beats and turntableism) and their connections as well. i love hip hop influence on things like fashion and art -graffitif movement -pop art...ranges endlessly..upperplayground opened my eyes to hundreds of artists with hip hop influence... ect visual art ---bright colors, bold statements, fat curvy fonts, as well as sharp edgy shittt ;) -and all that goes into the fashion aspect im not gonna even get into yet lyricallly,, and as far as words/poetry go i find hip hop very fufilling to my mind i cant get over the flow of words now and how they fit into music and beats (i guess it was hip hop that finally opened my eyes to a different level of music) i am getting aesop lyrics on the inside arches of my feet tell me which font you like better if you care to just curious im going towards the first i know as with everything there are flip sides and i acknowledge there is radio rap and THIZZZZZZ music, but thats not what im talking about, thats not real hip hop and lil wayne Current Mood: giddy Current Music: fast cars danger fire and knives (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
8:38 am	ramblings im attempting to make myself happier.... school is easing up, as graduation is slowly but surely staggering upon me zak and i have started workingout and it feels great creative thoughts and ideas have been popping up in my mind, i think im going to start writting and drawing a comic-esk book, and i want all my friends(or anyone who wants to) to put in their ideas and art finally i feel like being social again... things with my family are the calmest they have ever been in my life my mother and I finally are connecting my relationship with zak is amazing, i honeslty feel like hes my soul mate, no words or expression can express and finally some shows im looking foward to, are happening bills are scarey having to absoultly work 6 days a week for 7 hours sucks, and is draining and going to school everyday.. old friends and realtionships are a constant downer its a lingering, and unresloved issue very akward also i had a very odd fry on saturday, that not only enlighntend me, but also relived me, and scared me its was also very silly, zak and i prentend that outside our apartment was infested with zombies and we made plans for him to run and check the mail without getting eaten alive and i watched him through our window i also wrote a lot of non sense, that i get (Comment on this)
Monday, January 7th, 2008
11:38 am	i also dyed my hair blue-black and its ugly (Comment on this)
10:36 am	living is so strange. i cant comprehend things like politics or taxes, even though i try. growing is weird, i dont know if i am doing it right. a constant feeling of putting myself "together" lingers in my mind. i always feel not "together", i guess. theres so much on my plate, i do that to myself. i miss a lot of things, the way i was. even though, i could never go back, with the things i know. i cant go back and be reckless. i am reckless now, in a different way. relationships i dont get. i dont get people. they make me annoyed too easy, and conversating with them seems empty. people who were once so close to me disappoint me now. im sorry. Current Mood: gloomy (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 17th, 2007
9:16 pm	In general, my life has been treating me reasonably well. It's insane how much can change in the span of a couple months. I feel like I have grown up a lot lately. I miss some things too, though. I feel good. Current Mood: crazy Current Music: Bob Marley (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
12:50 pm	rip big beautiful piece i got on 420 zaks little blue one fux Current Music: silence (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 27th, 2007
11:27 am	BAD BRAINSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 last night bad brains blew my mind, i am still at a lose of words they were seriously glowing for the hour and half set i cant belive i got to see bad brains Current Music: bad brains (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 16th, 2007
11:59 pm	fuck i want to actually learn how to tag, ive been starting some drawings and im falling in love im taking a summer class on clothing design i would also love so very much if people would make music with me i have so many amazing ideas for somewhat of a joke fun glam loud sassy band people have been a let down lately i dont know.... all last night and today i have been in the gloomiest strangest mood ever, i randomly start to feel tears in my eyes too, i dont get it, and i wish it would pass and theres a lot of anger too Current Music: the postal service (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 8th, 2007
10:44 am	There is no blatent reason for me to be feeling uneasy. I keep trying to figure out what is wrong with my mood. I feel like I am stuck, kinda scared to move on. I really should move on, it scares me to be with anybody else, and when i am, it doesnt feel right. Something needs to change, because I am growing very heartless. I smile, try to not be sad or offened. I have never given one person so much lean way for all the fucked up shit they do, and honeslty I have no idea why. It would just be nice to be the one reasured for once. Current Mood: discontent Current Music: epic jesus music upstairs (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 20th, 2007
11:43 pm	why is it so hard to sleep? i just want to stop worrying about things and be able to sleep for once, and stop crying at everything things are crushing me all the fucking time nothing makes me feel good anymore and people are shitty and im always bitching Current Music: bob marley (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 14th, 2007
10:01 pm	i simply cannot put into words how much i hurt right now i dont know how someone can be so vicious to another person, especially a mother, my mother no matter what i say, you will never know how much of a monster she is usually i dont care what people say to me, easily brushed off everything she says to me lingers in my head all the time she breaks me, and no matter what i try to tell myself, i cant seem to not care (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 12th, 2007
8:17 am	i cant stand it when people hangup, drive away, and slam doors in my face when im trying to fix things thanks mom for never failing to always do these i need somewhere to live (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 7th, 2007
7:25 pm	i fucking hate what some things have become (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
4:21 pm	i dont feel good, i feel like crap. people are so upsetting sometimes i just really want someone who will be there for me Current Mood: crappy Current Music: heaven knows im miserable now (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
1:52 pm	heavy cold tears roll down my face bringing mascarea with them, sparadic but each one holding more emotion than fathomable you mean a lot to me (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
9:53 pm	9:53 PM random thoughts: i dont know if i should feel bad about taking my moms chevron card and filling up my gas tank.....sometimes the greatful dead is really amazing right now now that ive had a taste of winter, i wish it was summer more than anything i miss gregs basment room, that some random guy now lives in driving around at night with elliot smith playing is really nice i dont know about freckels secretly i kinda liked melrose and think she should have won over caridee i cant wait for my chirtmas present from tasha its going to suck when i start working 6 days a week sometimes i feel way too sassy drugs to an extent are actually really good the other day i drew a really really good crab, all with the help of dave from art class this is very odd Current Mood: high Current Music: -skeletons from the closet- (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 4th, 2006
12:19 pm	why is it do hard for me to grasp as simple as a concept as public school? i cannot physically push myself to go i hate everything about it i do not learn anything i do not enjoy any part i see no reason for me to go to something everyday that puts me in an awful mood, and is not helping me "prepare for the real world" as they say, but we are already living in the real world. i mean how much more real could you get im at the point where i dont know what to do. i dont want to drop out or anything. school is very important to my mother, and there is some degree that i have to do things to please her. instead of sitting down with me to talk about the problem my mom feels the need to tell me that i am worthless because i cant even go to school (and of course has to bring marijuana into the picture) but i dont think she can understand the point i am at with school its going to really be miserable to go through and finish but i guess its something im going to have to do? but i dont know why this sucks (Comment on this)